Randomosity AKA My Job Sometimes Makes Me Want To Die.

Kate and I drank about six bellinis each on Sunday at brunch. Followed by half a bottle of wine. Every Sunday should be so good.

For Mistakes I Made

Ok so I'm normally not a fan of the "write the lyrics to a song" blog. I just don't think it translates well. However, I rediscovered a song tonight. It's called "Mistakes I Made" by Fran Lucci. I don't really know the artist that well, but somehow this song made its way into my high school CD collection. Back then, these lyrics meant little to me. It was just a sweet song. But listening to it tonight, I just don't think anything I could say about my life could be as exact as this song. It's strange how time changes perspective. So, here goes.

It really is a miracle that I have come this far.
Without a hope, without a prayer, without a guiding star.
In spite of my naivete and many dreams betrayed,
I know I would not be here now,
But for mistakes I made.

But for mistakes I made.
Who know who I might be.
Some other heart, some other soul, some other destiny.
But for the times I took a wrong turn unafraid.
I might have missed it all.
But for mistakes I made.

So many times I tried to change things out of my control.
The jealousy and all the rage that swallowed me up whole.
The years that I spent loving those who did not feel the same.
The times I didn't trust myself with only me to blame.

But for mistakes I made.
Who knows where I might be.
Some other place, some other time, some other destiny.
But for the times I took a wrong turn unafraid.
I might have missed it all,
But for mistakes I made.

These things have taught me what is real.
How to laugh, how to cry, how to love... without regret.
And when to say hello.
And goodbye.

I know whatever comes my way my dues have all been paid.
But you would not be in my life.
But for mistakes I made.

But for mistakes I made.
Who knows who I might be.
Some other heart, some other soul, some other destiny.
But for the times I took a wrong turn afraid.
I might have missed it all,
But for mistakes I made.

I might have missed it all.
But for mistakes I made.

Crazy Scientologist Tuesday

Uh...yeah...of course



Dharma couldn't take the heat:



Sure...



Ok well everyone knew you were a crazypants:



Let's just get one more of Tom:



NOW L. RON HUBBARD HAS GONE TOO FAR:



Why, Danny, why?

Elevator Antics Lead To Conspiracy

I don't like elevators. They make me nauseous. The technology and reliability of them seems a little sketchy. Maybe it was when I was forced on "Tower of Terror" at MGM Studios that the fear really began. Or maybe it's purely developmental. Either way, there's not a moving object I like being transported in less than an elevator.

This past week at work my opposition to elevators took an interesting twist. This is what happened. Last Thursday I got on the elevator at floor 11 going down to the street. We stopped on floor seven. A man got on, clearly crazy. The following exchange occurred:

Man: Hey Sparky!
Faetra: What?
Man: You're dressed for snow!

(Faetra looks down at her skirt and t-shirt, trying to tactfully question the man's sanity)

Faetra: What?
Man: I like your shoes!
Faetra: Um...thank you...
Man: I'm wearing slipper to work today!

(Faetra looks down to find the man is actually wearing slippers to work. The elevator stops on the ground floor. They get off in silence)

Yeah, I know. Crazy. THEN ON FRIDAY:

Faetra gets on the elevator at the ground floor. A meek nondescript delivery man gets on the elevator with her. He presses floor 9. She presses floor 11. They ride the elevator up in silence. It stops on the 9th floor. The doors open

Man: You have very lovely feet.

The man exits the elevator. End scene

Everything comes in threes. What will happen this week? And is the fact that all of these creepy incidents are occurring in elevators a coincidence? Or is it some kind of conspiracy?

Only time will tell.

My job is so boring.

Monday Public Service Announcement

Dolphins are the only species other than human beings who are capable of the act of rape. It turns out that dolphins emit a kind of hormone and use certain behavior tactics to denote if sex is consensual. This is not uncommon among animals. The difference is that dolphins will frequently disregard "no means no" signals. Male dolphins rape frequently.

Take a good look at this face:




Consider yourself warned.

A Morning In The Life

9:00 AM: I stumble out of bed. Every fifteen minutes for the past hour and a half or so, I have hit the snooze button. Setting my alarm for 7:30 AM has proved to be nothing but complete folly. Do I need to brush my hair before work? No... Do I need to make lunch or can I just run to the deli again? Run to the deli... Do I need to have the delectable Oren's coffee all the way on 3rd Ave or can I just pop into the Starbucks downstairs? Pop into the Starbucks downstairs... This is my inner monologue as a lay in bed. Potter meows for his food. Alas, the day must begin

9:40 AM: Waiting for the train. The most interesting part of my day is waiting to see which train will come first, the R or the V. "I need a new job," I decide. The R is great and quick- the V is my mortal enemy. I can generally predict the mood of the day depending on which train comes first. This week has been all Vs. Which means three things to my morning commute: A) One extra stop before the 6 transfer B) The incredibly long escalator taking me from the E/V line to the 6 at 53rd street. Seriously, how far underground is this train? Think the distance from hell to heaven. Yeah, that's about accurate. C)That weird smell in the passage way right before the second escalator to the 6 train. Seriously, what is that smell and why is it always there? Yep, it's going to be a V train kind of morning.

10:15 AM: I stumble into work. I sit down. The dread of a mediocre existence sets in."I really need a new job," I tell myself

10:17 AM: I crack open my Arizona energy drink. Bill went on an experimental "Red Bull Alternative" buying phase on Saturday and I am right along with him. This is far better than the green tea energy experiment from yesterday, but still tastes like sugary balls liquefied. Mmmmm....

10:19 AM: I begin to tell Joel, Dana, and Sandra about the harrowing experience of Little Children last night. This is what I took from it:


I wanted to put a shot of just his perfect ass but this will have to do as I am afraid of googling what could be discovered as pornography on my work PC. Also, Kate Winslet while stunningly beautiful and a fantastic actress as very strange looking breasts. It's an aureole thing I think. I don't know. God doesn't give you everything.

10:20: I explain that the situation of Kate Winslet's aureoles and Patrick Wilson's ass was not all I took from the film. It was well done, and just like In the Bedroom gives you a choked up feeling never really resulting in a cathartic release because you're so worried about who's gonna be the one die. Instead, you leave the movie feeling despair. Over what you ask? Everything. Life, love, marriage, sex, children, puppies, playgrounds...it's all tragic. Nothing is safe.

10:30: I call a friend of my father's who works for "Law and Order" who wants to give me a job. He gets my cell number and we will talk about this later. "Am I really going to quit my job?" I ask myself.

11:15 AM: Turns out that Arizona energy drinks don't stop giving. Energy, yes. But also a taste in your mouth akin to drinking a bottle of bad champagne. Without the pleasant drunken side effect.

11:30: I realize I've been drinking a lot lately
11:31: And going through this bizarre yogurt covered pretzel phase.

12PM: Kate and I chat on myspace. She hates her job too.

1PM: I hate my job even more now.

2PM: Cigarette break.

Sunday Night

For those who have never experienced the fabulousness of PIT, it is a stock trade version of "Go Fish". It comes with a bell, which upon victory you are allowed to furiously ring. The goal is to get all of the same natural resource.

It's great. And I own it.

So on Sunday night, Maura and will be organizing a long overdue PIT night at my place. Beer will be provided, as will pasta, bread, and salad.

Just as a warning for anyone that has never played games with me before. I'm an Aries. I play to win. It's nothing personal.

But seriously it's fun! Come over!