Chair Kickers and Groaners

Today I went to the Public to catch an afternoon performance of the new Julia Cho play "Durango".

And this guy sitting behind me kept kicking my motha f-ing chair. The whole frackin' show long. You would think after the first ten times it happened he would have realized his supercilious legs didn't fit in front of him. But no kick kick kick he went. I mean it's not everyday you get to see an Asian American verison of "Death of a Salesman".

Then it turned out he was a groaner. Now you all know what I mean by groaner. Fordham was loaded with them. It's either a groan or the occasional "huh" . You'll find a few of them in every play you see. Something really great will be said on stage and they as an audience member feel the obligation to let everyone around them know they were affected by verbally responding.

Not the thing to do to me after a night of gin, most of which was still alive and kicking in my blood stream.

Bye bye Rummie bye bye bye...

That's right folks. Democratic controlled congress. Forcing Bush to make the world a safer place, one failure at a time.

Even if they still have no platform.

This is what I propose: VOTE DEMOCRAT IN '08 BECAUSE WE'RE....NOT REPUBLICANS.

But for now, I will be happy.

Randomosity AKA My Job Sometimes Makes Me Want To Die.

Kate and I drank about six bellinis each on Sunday at brunch. Followed by half a bottle of wine. Every Sunday should be so good.

For Mistakes I Made

Ok so I'm normally not a fan of the "write the lyrics to a song" blog. I just don't think it translates well. However, I rediscovered a song tonight. It's called "Mistakes I Made" by Fran Lucci. I don't really know the artist that well, but somehow this song made its way into my high school CD collection. Back then, these lyrics meant little to me. It was just a sweet song. But listening to it tonight, I just don't think anything I could say about my life could be as exact as this song. It's strange how time changes perspective. So, here goes.

It really is a miracle that I have come this far.
Without a hope, without a prayer, without a guiding star.
In spite of my naivete and many dreams betrayed,
I know I would not be here now,
But for mistakes I made.

But for mistakes I made.
Who know who I might be.
Some other heart, some other soul, some other destiny.
But for the times I took a wrong turn unafraid.
I might have missed it all.
But for mistakes I made.

So many times I tried to change things out of my control.
The jealousy and all the rage that swallowed me up whole.
The years that I spent loving those who did not feel the same.
The times I didn't trust myself with only me to blame.

But for mistakes I made.
Who knows where I might be.
Some other place, some other time, some other destiny.
But for the times I took a wrong turn unafraid.
I might have missed it all,
But for mistakes I made.

These things have taught me what is real.
How to laugh, how to cry, how to love... without regret.
And when to say hello.
And goodbye.

I know whatever comes my way my dues have all been paid.
But you would not be in my life.
But for mistakes I made.

But for mistakes I made.
Who knows who I might be.
Some other heart, some other soul, some other destiny.
But for the times I took a wrong turn afraid.
I might have missed it all,
But for mistakes I made.

I might have missed it all.
But for mistakes I made.

Crazy Scientologist Tuesday

Uh...yeah...of course



Dharma couldn't take the heat:



Sure...



Ok well everyone knew you were a crazypants:



Let's just get one more of Tom:



NOW L. RON HUBBARD HAS GONE TOO FAR:



Why, Danny, why?

Elevator Antics Lead To Conspiracy

I don't like elevators. They make me nauseous. The technology and reliability of them seems a little sketchy. Maybe it was when I was forced on "Tower of Terror" at MGM Studios that the fear really began. Or maybe it's purely developmental. Either way, there's not a moving object I like being transported in less than an elevator.

This past week at work my opposition to elevators took an interesting twist. This is what happened. Last Thursday I got on the elevator at floor 11 going down to the street. We stopped on floor seven. A man got on, clearly crazy. The following exchange occurred:

Man: Hey Sparky!
Faetra: What?
Man: You're dressed for snow!

(Faetra looks down at her skirt and t-shirt, trying to tactfully question the man's sanity)

Faetra: What?
Man: I like your shoes!
Faetra: Um...thank you...
Man: I'm wearing slipper to work today!

(Faetra looks down to find the man is actually wearing slippers to work. The elevator stops on the ground floor. They get off in silence)

Yeah, I know. Crazy. THEN ON FRIDAY:

Faetra gets on the elevator at the ground floor. A meek nondescript delivery man gets on the elevator with her. He presses floor 9. She presses floor 11. They ride the elevator up in silence. It stops on the 9th floor. The doors open

Man: You have very lovely feet.

The man exits the elevator. End scene

Everything comes in threes. What will happen this week? And is the fact that all of these creepy incidents are occurring in elevators a coincidence? Or is it some kind of conspiracy?

Only time will tell.

My job is so boring.

Monday Public Service Announcement

Dolphins are the only species other than human beings who are capable of the act of rape. It turns out that dolphins emit a kind of hormone and use certain behavior tactics to denote if sex is consensual. This is not uncommon among animals. The difference is that dolphins will frequently disregard "no means no" signals. Male dolphins rape frequently.

Take a good look at this face:




Consider yourself warned.